[Editor’s note: I wrote this post on March 26 but I never published it. Knowing what I know now about my graduate school plans, I chose to publish this post so that aspiring RD’s in a similar situation know that I understand how difficult the waiting process can be.]
It’s easy to share the happy moments that I experience on a daily basis: traveling to new cities, sipping on cocktails with friends, running through picturesque neighborhoods, that create an illusion that my life is carefree, simple and easy. But much like my snapshots shared on instagram – the moments that I share on this blog are often filtered to protect my imperfections.
Sometimes I wonder why I share as much of my life on the internet as I do. I unintentionally find myself trying to fit into a mold of unattainable expectations based on the perceived perfect lives of those I follow on the internet. I compare my accomplishments, or lack thereof, to theirs and feel trapped by my own self-doubt. And then I wonder: am I inadvertently giving off the false impression that everything in my life is divine?
I want to take a moment to recognize that not-so-divine moments of my life: the periods when my expectations of what my life should be are not yet met.
For five months I’ve waited to solidify my plans for the fall. As someone who is naturally impatient, it’s been a very long five months. I’ve struggled, since the beginning, with accepting my situation as it is and trusting that everything will work out.
I’m tired of telling people, ‘I’ll know more in 2 weeks.’ I said that 2 months ago and I will continue saying that for the next month. So now, I wait. Hoping for the email that I’ve wanted for almost two years now.
When I find myself feeling frustrated with the process and with myself over circumstances outside of my control, I try to find the glass half full. One aspect of this grueling process that I will always value is that once I finally get my ‘YES,’ once I finally approach that door that opens up a lifetime of opportunities, I will never, ever take it for granted.
Other posts of interest:
- Graduate School Update (April 2014)
- Graduate School Update // September 2014
- Graduate School Update // January 2015
- Graduate School Update // Staying positive through adversity (February 2015)